Where are you, my kindred spirit?

2009-03-15T20:55:00.000-07:00

This is a build up.
A fuck up.
A break down.
A let down.
A God damned mis-fortune.

Creating a new Blogger for my photos. Once it's up, I'll post the link on here.
:D

2009-03-10T22:33:00.001-07:00

You will find that within time,
Old friends grow stale if you never see them and they've moved.
And then you'll know that the relationship only seems to exist by contact online.

Hey, remember when Sinatra sung flat accidentally in one of his songs?

2009-03-07T23:00:00.000-08:00

I'll meet you in Antarctica.
The sun will be shining,
The snow glistening.

There's a storm brewing outside my window.
Countless crimes being comitted all around me.
Remember when the light was so blinding?
Remember when the ground was so hot it burned our feet to a cinder?

If you listen really closly, Harry Connick Jr.'s voice in some tones, resembles Sinatra's.\

Kid,

2009-02-24T23:20:00.000-08:00

You needa get out more.

This is making me crazy, I'm going to loose my mind, go insane.

2009-02-24T23:14:00.001-08:00

For the most part, I wish I had something really stable to write about. Something that held some kind of significant meaning in my life. Something that acually meant something, something that was actually real.
I hate days when I get like this.
Days when I feel so completely worthless.
Thank God for you though.

"I write about false emotions. All of these things on here never actually happened. I really wish they did though, with someone special."

2009-02-24T22:49:00.000-08:00

See the blue sky above,
And the green grass below.
Oh how I wish things were so much easier.
Two more weeks before you leave for the deep blue sea.
All of our memories lay fresh in my mind.
I promise not to forget you.
Please oh please let me know how much this means to you.
And if you told me you were leaving today,
If you told me we'd never see each other again,
Well I'd build a ship, I'd build a ship and sail out to you.
Of course you know that things never go the way we wish them to between us.
We took old polaroids of the sky.
We wrote down the pretty things that came to mind.
I'll hold my breath and wait for you.
There's nothing I can do to keep myself from loving you.
Do you remember that night when we stayed up past four and laughed at all the things gone wrong in our relationship?
Where do we go now?
I could be there for you if only you'd let me in.

Ps. the twelfth, thirteenth and fourteenth line were written by Chloe. Which pretty much inspired this whole thing.

2009-02-20T21:05:00.001-08:00

I hope that when you leave, everything around you reminds you of here. And hopefully, you'll feel the need of not wanting to live anymore.

2009-02-20T15:13:00.000-08:00

When you wake up, you will be alone and be overcome by pain and guilt, and it will be the worst feeling in the world that you have ever felt, and it will follow you for many years to come.

I wanna hold your hand.

2009-02-12T11:48:00.000-08:00

I hate feeling this way.
Completely hate.

2009-02-12T11:37:00.000-08:00

I've come to understand that the sun and the moon don't shine in the same sky.
Why would they ever want to do that and share happiness?
But perhaps, just maybe, maybe they're just as lonely as I.

There's no more.

2009-02-08T17:43:00.000-08:00

I can't find peace.
Not with my friends.
Not at home.
Not when I am very much alone.
I can't find happiness.
I can't find joy.
There is no more left.

Where are you?

2009-02-08T17:37:00.001-08:00

Where are you, my kindred spirit?
Where have you flown to?
To the far east in search of happiness,
To roam the lands of Quebec, and sulk in sorrow.

Where are you, my kindred spirit?
Where have you flown to?
Perhaps you're wallowing in the seas of Europe.
Perhaps you gone to find someone new.

Where are you, my kindred spirit?
Where have you flown to?
To the east in search of peace and joy.
To roam the coastlines of Vancouver.

Where are you, my kindred spirit?
Where have you flown to?
Perhaps you've gone to all the places I've wished to have been.
Perhaps you've met death, met the light,
But you came back in sheer fright.

Where are you, my kindred spirit?
Where have you flown to?
Because only God knows,
Only He knows that I need you.

2009-02-01T11:38:00.000-08:00

I was never really one for Christianity,
But something's drawn me in to the religion.

-cl.

ps. I have a huge liking for rosary's.

2009-02-01T10:53:00.000-08:00

Y'know, I always find it hard,
Hard picking which book my glorious eyes will lay themselves upon.
I can never really figure out what I want to read.

"Remember," she spoke, "Remember Michael, be careful. Don't get caught."

2009-02-01T02:17:00.000-08:00

We were speeding down the highway, smoke escaping our car. The year was 1967 and life couldn't have possibly been better. I mean how could it not be? Myself and Stevie were the big psychedelic drug dealers around Venice in Los Angeles. In fact, if I can recall we had once sold to a man named Jim Morrison. However with the fact that my mind is now fried, I haven't a clue if that was him or not, or if I was in fact strung out on Cocaine or LSD.
That day had been like any other day really. The sky was blue, great music was pouring out of our royal blue 63' Mustang. We were on our way to sell some of our illegal substances to anyone who wanted them, to anyone who was willing to experience what everyone was now so fondly talking about. And to anyone who wanted to further their mind into the world of psychedelics. I remember that me and Stevie were smoking a doobie and every street we turned, there seemed to be a police car.
I believe that it was somewhere around the afternoon time when we were driving to Long Beach. We were going to pick up my gorgeous sun blond haired beauty. She of course was skinny, like that of most women around the area. Her eyes were that like the vibrant sky. And her name was Catherine. We were about halfway there when The Doors had started to blare from the radio station. I smiled at this and finished off the joint.
"Stevie man, life is great. Life is just fucking great. Y'know that? It's the best it could ever be," I said. "I mean look man, we're getting big money from dealing all of this acid...it's just great."
"Far out man," he replied. "Far fucking out."
I closed my eyes and laughed a bit, "Man, we're gods. Yah see? God made the man who made this drug, God made it so that we would be these big riches. Who would've thought we'd be these big riches. And from selling acid! Radical."
"Ahhhhh!" Stevie yelled, or sang, "Come on baby light my fireee, come on baby light my fire. Try to set the night on FIREEEEEEEEE-AHHHH!"
Stevie, let me describe him. He was my partner in crime; partner in drug trade rather. We had known each other for longer than I can remember. And I couldn't imagine us doing anything else with our life's then just this. I mean of course, it was a terrible job to do, but we gave the people what they needed most.

What I remember happening then was that we had visited Catherine, spared her some acid for free - as always, and were now walking along the beach. I still remember the cool of the summer's sand crawling in between my toes. The sun was setting now, and it looked beautiful. Stevie and I had taken a hit of acid about a few minutes before and were now waiting for the effects. For as long as I can recall, I never had a bad trip. And I was grateful for that, because I saw what they did to Stevie. I don't remember much of that trip though to share. Although, I do remember waking up on a huge rock that was by the ocean water. And Stevie himself was laying upon the sand.
When we got to the car that day, something felt off. Or it felt like something bad was about to happen, but I brushed this off. I remember how when we got into that car we were high as a kite. Obviously due to the weed we had smoke, the huge amount of weed that was. I remember feeling like I was unstoppable, but the events that were very soon to follow would prove otherwise.
We were driving back to Venice when it had happened. Our minds are swarming around in the weed and we were still psyched out from the acid the night before. I don't remember all of what happened in between our leave from Long Beach back to Venice. However, what I do remember was that we were waiting for the light to turn green and there was a police cruiser beside us. It didn't get the either of us paranoid though when usually it would have. It seemed though that since we had left Long Beach, they were following us - and we were never aware. And as soon as that light turned green, when we had turned left, the police turned on their sirens. This had startled me quite. I was aware that we still had pounds of weed in the trunk, and tons of blotter papers. When Stevie pulled over, he had his eyes fixed on me. We both knew the consequences of having this in our possession, and being high.
The only thing I remember is them seizing all of those drugs, those glorious drugs that got me and Stevie through the days, the drugs that had kept us off the streets by selling them. Sometimes, when I am lonely in this ole' prison cell, I think of all those glorious days when we were untouchable.

Just a collection of what's currently going through my head.

2009-01-31T16:20:00.001-08:00

They put us up on roof tops and hung us dry.
They showed us how our life might, and could be destroyed by the snap of a finger.

You promised me that you would take me out one of these nights.
You promised me that you would pull the moon down from the sky for me.
You promised me roses and cameos on the night you left.
I haven't seen you since, nor have you lived up to these promises.

"Kid, you've lost all hope. I mean look at yourself. You're a bloody mess! That's what you are, and all you'll ever be to anyone. You're never gonna change kid, I mean face it. The fact is true and right. And you're going to have to face it! You have no purpose anymore in the world. You're just simply a waste of space, time, air, and life. Yes, that's what you are - a waste. However you're a damn good looking waste if I'd say so myself."

Do you recall those summer nights in Spain,
Those summer nights when we would sit out on the terrace and just talk and talk and talk. So on and so fourth.
Do you remember when those beautiful winter days seemed so endless?
When the sun was setting and there was the beautiful array of colors dancing upon the pastel blue of the sky.
But sometimes, the clouds were dark then.

He's got those eyes.
Those eyes that dart back and fourth when he's nervous.
He's got those looks, those gorgeous looks.
And he's got that wonderful wit.

The day's are laid out upon the table.
They play on like a play by Shakespeare.
The morning, first is dark.
Then it warms up to a blue, going from dark to light.
And how it plays with such colors upon the waking sky.
Making you wish you were at home again.
Then comes the afternoon, sweet and full of bliss.
It's more so the most boring part of the day.
But it is when you write me those letters from your far away home that I cherish so.
And it is when the day is at it's highest point.
Then of course, there comes dusk which leads into the darkened night.
Sometimes the sky will light up like a fire.
Other time's it will just pass on through with it's gorgeous colors.
This part of the day most fascinates you the most of course.
It fascinates you in a way no Shakespeare play ever could, even though you love him so.
Then the very last part,
The end of the day.
And it is at this point and time where you feel as if you've lost complete sanity.

You shaded the picture,
Outlined the words,
Described it in detail.
You explained how one day,
How one day this would end.
Oh but how, how I wish it truly wouldn't.

2009-01-31T13:43:00.000-08:00

And some nights, like that of last night.
When I stayed up all night.
Nights like those when it feels like I have lost complete sanity,
I like you more than what you are already.
However when I've slept and am awake and aware,
Everything is different.

2009-01-30T18:06:00.000-08:00

Oh how I wish now that you were here.
And how I wish that you could see the freshly fallen snow.
The way that one comes about to do things,
Is not in the same way that one goes about doing things.
I believe that we are all here to do great things,
Not matter how big or small they shall be.

2009-01-27T11:01:00.000-08:00

You came to me in a dream.
There were birds soaring above your pretty little head, in the sky.
There was a crisp summer breeze blowing through the air,
And it was laced with the slightest bit of cigar smoke.

2009-01-20T22:23:00.000-08:00

We spent our mornings just waiting for the bus.
Our feet were cold, and our teeth clattered.

2009-01-07T09:53:00.000-08:00

When we woke up,
The land was covered in snow and ice.
Thee air was cold, and our bodies shook.
There were birds painted above on the blue sky.

Not sure if I've posted this already. But whatever.

2009-01-02T23:32:00.000-08:00

Come here my sweet darling.
I've missed your tender kiss.
And the way you used to smile in the moonlight.
I miss you being near to me.
I miss you holding my hand.
Come here my sweet darling
Come here and stay with me.
Until this night is through.

2009-01-02T00:51:00.000-08:00

Before you read this, note that this is kind of a short story, but not as long as most short stories tend to be.
But enjoy.

Dear Fiona dearest,
As you know, I am horrible at writing letters - but you're an exception. I cannot begin to explain just how much I miss you; I miss your warm smiled, your soft hanrds in my own rough ones - but more than anything, I miss your presence around me. Even though I know that you're still probably around me in spirit; it's just not the same. I've started accepting the fact that this isn't just another one of your photography trips, and that you're never coming back. It's been about a year now since you've been gone. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I can still feel yor body beside my own. Other times I can hear you singing in the kitchen as you're brewing coffee.
Since you've been gone, I had about five relapses back to alcohol. But still, I cannot drown my sorrows. This is why I have decided to end my pain and suffering without you. I have devoted myself to you and detached myself from everyone else.
I need you to know that this will do more good than bad. And I know that you would want me to pull myself up - but I just can't take this anymoe - I need to be with you again. I also need you to know that this will cause me less pain then the pain of you not being here.
That is all I have left to say.
Not another word.
I love you my dearest, forever and always.
Yours truly, Rick.

2009-01-02T00:44:00.001-08:00

I want to dance across the ocean on tippy-toes.
I want to soar across the vast blue ocean of the sky.

First post of 09.

2009-01-01T23:57:00.000-08:00

I want to know your plans.
Who you're going home with tonight.
I want to know if you'll miss me,
Like I miss you.

2008-12-23T13:27:00.000-08:00

I remember the countryside.
So green and rich with its pastures.
So lively with its livestock
Take me back

2008-12-23T13:23:00.000-08:00

The medow lark sit's upon the barbed wire fence.
Singing a sweet melody, one soft and soothing.
I haven't seen you in a couple of months.
If you would drive out this winter, even though the roads are horrible.
I think that would make my year.

2008-12-07T04:53:00.000-08:00

we danced like the flowers swaying in the light summer breeze.
we picked up the apples fallen from the tree and made apple pie.
it's taste was sweet.
oh how i long for you,
when the nights are cold.

2008-12-07T00:52:00.000-08:00

I remember when it started snowing,
because it brought back memories of you and me.
Now the cold air is nipping at my face, neck and heels.
Our pictures were left outside,
on the front lawn.
Don't forget to remind me,
to pack your belongings,
and send them away.

2008-12-06T15:23:00.000-08:00

Tonight the stars went out.
Tonight harmony sung.
Sweet soft melodies.
Pouring through the stereo speakers.
The energy and desire in your eyes
Washed out.
The dreams we once had.
Demolished.

2008-11-24T19:46:00.001-08:00

Dance in the gale moonlight with me.
Your body so devine.
Your features so refined.
Kiss me lightly on the lips.
Tell me you want to be with me.

2008-11-20T19:22:00.001-08:00

I like to cry, listen to Bright Eyes, and play Mahjong.

2008-11-20T19:00:00.001-08:00

I'm gonna lock myself up in my room
And listen to classical music.

I can't stand the way you talk to me.
The way you look at me.
How you're happy with her.
I wish I was her.
Or that I was happy, so I wouldn't have to worry about being her.
I wanna be with someone as amazing as you, or you alone.
I know this is bullshit.

You're not gonna stay off my mind though.
I promise you that much.

2008-11-16T22:59:00.000-08:00

do you remember
when i took all those pictures of you
and when we parted ways
i sent them away
to a foreign country
so i could hopefully forget your face
and let somebody else remember it instead
of myself.

lying upon the fresh fallen snow
looking up at the cloudy sky
i wish
things weren't complicated
oh the fucked up dreams i have
always somehow
remind me of you.
i need to get away.

I know it's over.

2008-11-14T00:25:00.000-08:00

Oh mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
See, the sea wants to take me
The knife wants to cut me
Do you think you could help me?

2008-11-13T19:42:00.000-08:00

Where desire florishes on thoughts of lust.

Great.

2008-11-12T21:27:00.000-08:00

my ipod is fucking broken.
and i usually can't not go without listen to my ipod during the day, because for me it's a must.
which is totally fucking great for me.
fuck.
my stress level is insane right now
im not fucking happy anymore.
lifes amazing really.
-.-

its too late.

2008-11-11T23:23:00.000-08:00

When I picture you, I see you standing atop a mountain. When I picture us, I see us walking through the meadow. Oh, I'd hate to leave you. The stain glass window of the balcony door beckoned me to go outside. And face the cold of the winter with everything I had. But I refused it's offer and had brunch with the guests instead.

"So much needs to be done," he said. "Something isn't right with this land.
The way the trees reach to the sky needs to stop, cut them down!"
And with that he watched all the animals weep.

2008-11-11T23:22:00.000-08:00

And I saw the butterflies scatter when the night came.
Upon clouds we used to see
Scattered little memories
Broken ideas.

Climbing up the walls.
Feeding off of the dead.
Inside, if you turn your head to the right, you'll see life: the way it's supposed to be.

2008-11-11T23:21:00.000-08:00

i'd like to be where you are and see the things that you've seen.

lets make hot chocolate and sit and talk

2008-11-11T23:11:00.000-08:00

i'm pretty sure you feel good now i'm pretty sure you must feel better meet me in the garden and all our dreams will come true

"it comes to me in fragments, but even those still split in two. under the leaves of that old lime tree, i stood examining the fruit. some were ripe and some were rotten, i felt naseous with the truth. there will never be a time nor opptrotune" - lime tree; bright eyes

i love watching you sleep. because that way, i don't have to worry about you

2008-11-11T23:07:00.001-08:00

I'm only dreaming when you are.
They'll never know what you do.
Nobody has to see us,
The way we are

Sitting here in my cold room.
With a cup of warm green tea.
I jot down the memories that come to mind.
The memories that I had with you.

My veins were the size of the highway.
Your name scratched out on the list.
I'm not gonna be calling you today,
To tell you that it's alright.
But please tell me you'll be okay.

I want to take you too a place
You've never been before.
A place full of desire and lust.
A place where the skies are hand made.

I'm not gonna be calling you today
To tell you that it's alright.
But please tell me you'll be okay.

dew drops

2008-11-11T19:35:00.000-08:00

elliot smith i swear does the best version of 'because.' sorry beatles.
can you believe that it's already november?

sitting here in my cold room.
with a cup of warm green tea.
i jot down the memories that come to mind.
the memories that i had with you.

"I come back when you want me to."

2008-11-11T19:10:00.000-08:00

Je t'aime
Mais ce soir
J'ai besoin de lâcher de vous

..."but this is decent"

2008-11-11T01:11:00.000-08:00

when it all goes blank
when its all over
and when theres nothing left worth saying
and when everything crumbles around you.
baby say goodbye yo everything you knew.

2008-11-11T00:17:00.000-08:00

i forgot about this
forgot about you
forgot about us
how this is supposed to feel
when you're not around.
the air, cold.
and sky, grey.

2008-11-10T23:51:00.000-08:00

We came in with the changing tide.

2008-10-29T20:35:00.001-07:00

As tall as the moon.
Looking down upon our tired eyes.
The seas of green and the oceans of blue.
I want you to ignore the fact, that all of this is just a dream.
When we walked through the field the flowers were endless.
Pale moonlight dances in your eyes.
The soft glow of the city lights let me down.
Come lay with me, in fields where cool winds blow.
We'll dance among the forbidden stars, flying high as a bird.
I drew you a universe under the stars, a thousand miles away.
Sitting on hills, smoke escaping our chapped lips.
In the cool morning, crisp, you smiled.

"I swear we spent most afternoons, somewhere in the act."

2008-10-29T20:27:00.000-07:00

There's a light on in the room.
Dim in the corner.
I'm tired of all the "what's wrong."
All of these ideas come to me in fragments.
What woke you up?
Was it the horrid screams, the cracks of the whip?
When the heavy rain sweeps me from under my feet and brings me to a river, under a bridge.
In which i see you sitting upon rocks by the shore
Singing softly
Along with the birds
The nature will contrast off your skin
And you'll glow from within.
There was a river beyond the forest It was peaceful there
With the birds singing softly, delicately
And the river flowing so steadily.

Bleh.

2008-10-24T20:52:00.000-07:00

Lets be sailors.
We'll sail out to the fartest corner of the sea.
Away from the world, from any other soul.
We'll get lost in the waters.
Hold on to me.
I'll hold on to you.

2008-10-10T21:31:00.001-07:00

Sink into the moonlight
Unwanted
Pale moonlight dances in your eyes
The soft glow of the city lights
Let me down.
Crumpled rose petals on your former lovers bed

The soft palm trees sway in the distance
As we walk upon the sand
The cool ocean hid out memories

The window open
Cool wind blows through my hair
You fall through my hands

Undivided
slip through the cracks
The sun upon the horizon
Clouds scattered across the stainglass sky
This was what we were supposed to be.

Oh hello.

2008-10-10T21:20:00.001-07:00

The lake, full of blood.
Walk alone.
The walls started to cave in.
The mirror, full of doubt.
Look out the window and gaze upon the morning fog that covers the prarie like a blankter.
The last thing we ever had was never there.
Like this fog, it had slowly started to disappear.
The gravel road, dasies on the side.
When you're awake.
Remember me.

"Lets all pray for rain."

2008-09-25T05:04:00.000-07:00

Frame the picture and hang it in the foyer.

I really hate.

2008-08-28T19:21:00.001-07:00

How when I really really need to write.
I fucking can't.
And it's fucking pissing me off.

2008-08-16T09:10:00.000-07:00

You carry yourself with such pride.
Is this what you wanted?
"Hello, caller nine?"
We found, that your voice is so divine.
So cross the finish line.
Tell me you're alright.
Call me to say that you made it home alright.
Your attractive figure.
Carry yourself so elegantly.
Admit that you have fucked up so royally, c'mon do it.
You're longing for something you cannot have
You wrote your initials in the palm of my hand.
You told me that if I ever felt like I was loosing you, to fold my hand into a fist so I could hold onto you longer.
You left your belongings in the ocean waters.
High tide.
Lets drag these boys out from their ships.

gah i dont know.

2008-08-11T22:09:00.001-07:00

When we stepped out into the crisp summer night
The smell of cigarette smoke hit us like a freight train
We sat upon the cool grass
We laid down upon our backs
And as we starred up at the stars, we talked about the old days.

When you sat me down at the table
And heaved a heavy sigh from your full lips
Your eyes started getting glassy

But now we're sitting on roofs, listening to planes fly by
Or letting the warm pacific waters sweep over our feet

make of this what you will...

2008-07-27T02:44:00.001-07:00

sun lit eyes
gazing upon
moons
of the outter solar system
step into
the great unknown
leap fourth like a
new born flower
calling names for this
un-rightful law

I hate the way you smile.

2008-07-20T22:33:00.000-07:00

we walk upon the cool summer grass.
the sky so dark above our little overwelmed heads
the moon is smiling at us
i remember when time used to go way faster than this
when i was more careless about myself
we used to climb through windows at late hours
escaping

crisp mornings, ultra violet rays.

2008-07-16T21:51:00.000-07:00

all of these are just random shit from my head and from my notebooks that i thought were reasonably good all put together.

your eyes are running in circles again
around the room
they trace the floor and the walls
implanted into your memory like a dream
let your hair fall down onto your shoulders like a cascading waterfall
let your mouth run off in a million directions
you awake the birds from dreams of dying with your calm soothing voice
the days pass like hours
i can't explain it to you now, it's like a blur
floating around aimlessly
we believe in such disasters
i fell in love with your eyes at the sea
standing upon the shore
and feeling the cool waters splash up upon our feet
if only we had meant something
we're watching dreams pass us by above in the clear night sky
it seems to be raining a lot lately
the basements are made from your imagination
the walls have encriptions of your thoughts
you leave me here
to figure it out
we'll dance in between the podiums
the way the crisp morning airs greets me like an old friend, gives me something to wake up to

2008-07-14T12:50:00.000-07:00

"i'm a spy, in the house of love."

so i'm pretty stoked right now, and happy to say the least.
me and chloe have a myspace for our band in process here which makes me happy >.<
www.myspace.com/theshatteredglasseffect
warped tour is on the horizon.
which makes me reallllyyy excited.

i'll leave you with this.

The coffee stain upon your sheer white dress
We must've been something
Meant something
The hills are furious and speak in great reason
They want us to run from this place

phillip ontacos

2008-07-11T23:09:00.000-07:00

i would like to float away upon a raft on the ocean.
and everntually sink into the sea.
and scatter diamonds across the clouds.

2008-07-11T20:30:00.000-07:00

With the pastel colored sky laid out in front of me
The half moon hanging from the sky, and Neil Young playing in the background.
Lifes alright.

An Essentially Lost Feeling

2008-06-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

Awake, the child screams,
Never really expecting the unexpected feeling of being alone.

Euphoric feeling of the senses, it's
Seeking out the calm in the night and bringing
Solitude to creatures
Eternally, nature wants to escape its pain,
Never knowing that it will one day be gone like the
Truth of a loved one that
Isn't really there
And only exists in your mind but if you
Let love grow from within, you'll find the
Light that it gives off and
You'll glow.

Let us
Open the window until we can hardly breathe
Suffocating on the poisons of the air, only
The cool of the night, will let us relax.

Fade into the
Evergreen and get lost in its ideas
Every once in a while you'll feel a stoke of
Luck, that'll blind you and bring you to your senses, let me give you an
Incentive on the
New law and watch as the wild
Grows around you, sweeping you off your feet, like a dream.

2008-06-17T23:33:00.001-07:00

i wish i could pour out everything that got mixed up when the pitcher got stirred.
separate all of the substances that were combined
and set them aside

my mind has been a mess lately
i can`t concentrate
i keep getting paranoid off and on
i keep getting dizzy spells
and this ringing in my ears

"we used to believe in the bood ole' days."

the honest fact that some people are dead
makes me want to cry
like jim morrison for example
'cherise, go get a life.'

"see if you can catch this one."

2008-06-15T14:14:00.000-07:00

(L)

Remember when I used to send you those letters?

2008-06-09T00:33:00.000-07:00

under the covers
behind closed doors
the window opened
the walls caved in
the roof collapsed

memory is a loss
and in account of your loss
the dandelion seeds spread themselves out over the fields
we watched the stars fall from the sky and cascade into the darkness
creatures being released into the night
underneath the gale moonlight
shining overhead
those lights
those bright city lights
they dance in the distance
and put you at ease
but are you really at ease?
i have all these emotions that i cannot describe anymore, or bring myself to show them.
sometimes, i'll think of you sometimes, i'll think of you holding me

"i'll only hope, that you'll hold me now
till i can gain control again"

I forgot

2008-06-08T23:10:00.000-07:00

i forgot that my shoes are soaked
inside and out, outside and in
when i closed the door
the gloomy skies
followed me in

open the window and let the rain pour in

2008-06-02T23:36:00.000-07:00

when the rain falls, hard down on the windshield. i'll only have these memories to hold onto. when the heavy rain sweeps me away from under my feet and brings me to a river - in which i see you sitting upon rocks by the shore, singing softly along with the birds.
the nature will contrast off your skin and you'll glow from within. forgive me, for i cannot suppress how i feel.
i want to love you so bad, but selfishness has swept over me like a heavy rain cloud. i can't bring myself to express those emotions towards you.
when we stepped into the wilderness; there were seas of green and oceans of blue, surrounding us . when we walked into the clearing the wind played with our hair and made us smiled at it's foolishness. there was a river beyond the forest, it was peaceful there. with the birds singing softly, delicately and the river flowing so steadily

the feelings you receive are only the feelings that press me from telling you how i feel.
opening up the package is like dropping a bomb.
break down, majortime.
and in front of you? i can't picture it right

i can't picture these walls right
drinking muddy water through a straw
to get to the bottom of everything.

it's raining again
just like it has basically all week
off and on
usually through the night
im sure it would seep in through a sieve into my room if i let it

-ps. expect a more meaningful post sometime in two months.

Remember...

2008-05-21T09:01:00.001-07:00

It takes two to tango.

Dreams.

2008-05-14T00:36:00.000-07:00

Sitting in the dark, we wait for sleep to come and wisk us off to another land, that's free of our troubles. Another land where we don't need to worry. A land where everything, no matter how bad it is, how shitty, how blan, seems perfect. Dreams are something a person can or cannot remember. It's either you do remember them, or you don't, and not speaking of just "skipping a dream." A dream to me, is something that I can come home to. A dream is something that puts me at peace and sets me free of my stress, lonliness and uphappiness. There's certain ones I can recolect just like that, and others that come to me at random times. Sometimes I cannot word my dreams in perfect detail.

This is reality.

2008-05-12T23:35:00.000-07:00

Pure and simple.
Reality is not a tv show that follows around people who just want money and to be seen.
Reality is pain.
Reality is death.
Reality is insanity.
Reality is Happiness.
Reality is being sick.
Reality is what you make of it.

Those fucking chocolate bunnies

2008-03-23T22:29:00.000-07:00

Is it the anticipation that makes it so hard for you to speak.
Or is it the fact that you only keep running your mouth off in every direction
Correct me for being so wrong
So senseless
So negative
But its not just me you see its also you
You don't see what's been done wrong
Or what makes this that
Or that this
Correct me if I'm wrong but the sky looks so beautiful with all of it's hues and blues
Man am I feeling blue, bluer than the sea
The ocean
The sky

Under the sheets or over the covers
Above the skies or under the seas
Take this package of hatred and send it back to yourself

And don't you tell me what it is
and what it was
and what it could've been
Because I know what it was
And how it could've been if you stood there all on your own
Waiting to grow old and waiting for the light to change green
But I've forgotten all of that and remembered to look up to the moon
And ask for it's forgiveness as it tells me what i did so horribly wrong
And to remember to look up to the sun every once and a while just in case i am to never see it again

I'd love to hold you where you are
And tell you I miss you

it is pretty much a big deal. to you at least if not me. but it's still a big deal anyway. bigger than billboard big.

2008-03-18T14:02:00.000-07:00

Im sorry but its funny how you two are dating again.
'i hate your guts dont come near me.'
sometimes when im alone i ask myself why i bother trying and never get an answer back.
Kind of funny how that all works out.
Funny how the sky is blue today and how its not grey. Whatever though.
I want it to pain buckets upon buckets but nothing works the way i plan them too. Still have those fucking dates circled each month i should shoot them down one by one.
Its impossible. Dont worry about this one.
We're all just contradictors contradicting ourselves again.
on the coldest of weather too.
even if it's warm
or hot.
either way
you want it.

ps. it's actually cloudy outside. grey clouds. so i guess it is grey out today.
but even if it's still blue
i may as well be too.

so, what now.

2008-03-16T20:00:00.000-07:00

i love how most of my crazy thoughts come out when I type. heres a preview of a bunch.

They came the day of the storm with baskets of flowers and dozens of gifts. They all said their goodbyes and dissapered into the dark night.

how dare they take away my carrots! that's all i've had to eat all year. And they take away my carrots, what ashame. now i'm going to die. Going to die without those carrots of mine. Oh those lovely orange carrots. Those juicy orange carrots that filled my stomach so. Well, I guess they'll know never to take anyone else's carrots away after they find me dead.

I don't like my veggies with pea's and beans. I don't like my pea's and beans with veggies.
Thats too doctor suess shit. Dx

Anyhow, its like a field of dasies in an ice cold dream, covered with blankets, thousands and thousands of blankets. Light and heavy blankets. Pink and blue blankets. Purple and green blankets. My oh my. Whatever will I do with all these blankets?

Theres snow on the ground underneath a pale grey sky. Gloomy grey sky. Bare trees, dog tracks. Make it go away.

Lock and loaded, loaded and locked. this mind has got me running insane with all these ideas

who were we trying to kid?

2008-01-29T17:57:00.000-08:00

the only thing you need to do is install a software that'll make me spill my problems anytime someone asks.
then we'll be fine
got traded in today/lastnight at the car dealer. only this time they're sending me to the impound.
i'll be gone in an hour
they just need to take me apart and figure out why i won't work anymore
because they can't rebuild me either.

i lost the war trying to figure something out.
bombs on me.
their actually delivering a casket as we speak

i don't get you in a - i dont know what your trying to say - kind of a way.
it never really made sense to me anyway
so don't bother to explain.

keep dreaming about whatever'll fuck you up in the long run
x.

'oh flesh and blood has found me in your arms again'

2007-12-10T15:15:00.000-08:00

1. A new years promise?
ahahahahah
right.
like im good
at keeping those kinds of promises

2. When was the last time you broke something?
uhmm, like a week ago.
it was a pen
kinda broke on its own time anyway
not my doing
nothing i could do to stop it

3. Would you rather die too cold or too hot?
if you die too cold.
then you have a horrible death
because all your insides freeze
inside out
and you lay there waiting to die, freezing to death.
too hot, sure, too hot.

4. Do you carry a lunchbox?
around in my mind yes
it's full of thoughts.

5. What are you scared of?
ahhh
where do i start

6. How old is your mom?
29 *nods*
its an inside joke
(Y)

7. If you could be anyone else, who would you be?
just for one day
one day only
pete wentz

8. What do you do too much?
think
woooop.

9. What did you do last night?
uh, homework i was on here till ten, went upstairs read some pete wentz shit. wrote
stayed tired

10. What is your name?
cherisee

11. Are you gay?
happy: nope.
samesex: nope,
i'm for it all the way
i have nothing to hole against gays
love is love.

12. What is the name of the person you like?
ahhshit.

13. How are you?
Pete Wentz okay.
which is usually pretty shitty
from what i've read
seeing as how, i can seem to understand that shit.

14. If your house was on fire what would you grab first?
i'll tell you after it happens

15. When did you last do something your parents wouldn't be proud of?
uhhhhhm. saturday.
*nods*

16. How many marshmallows could you fit in your mouth?
ew
geletin
gross.

17. What are you eating?
my insides.
feast your imagination on that

18. The worst thing about your day?
nothing yet.
theres always something
you'll see

19. The best thing about your day?
ehh

20. Do you think you will be married this time next year?
to myself
and pete wentz' writing.

21. How old are you?
not that old.

22. Whats wrong?
nottaaa
yet
>.<

23. Ever been called a whore?
jokinglyyy

24. What made you laugh today?
uhhhhhmmm.

25. The last time you cried?
i think saturday

26. Why do you like the person you like?
didn't know i liked anyone

27. Your favourite color?
blue/red

28. What time did you go asleep last night?
12.

29. Do you have any brothers or sisters?
brother.

30. If your doctor told you that you were going to go bald, what would you do?
go get some hair treatment shit